The One With Technicalities
by SeeTheFearAndSeeReality
Summary: {TOA the Beach AU} What if Monica said yes? Would things be different? Please review.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: My first story on my ultimate OTP! I'm really worried about this, because I love them so much and am really paranoid about writing too desperately out of character, but hopefully you can sort of see the resemblances? This is just an alternate reality, if Monica had said yes at the beach house. It's very Mondler-based, there's not much of other characters and pretty much nothing of other ships, if that's what you're hoping for. There are also some continuity glitches, which are just for my purposes. Joey has his hole, but there's no jellyfish and Ross is still with Bonnie and him and Rachel haven't kissed, blah, blah, blah. I wrote this up on my phone in some of my free periods, so I apologise for the quality.**

**Please review! I am severely underappreciated around here! :):)**

**MONICA'S POV**

"Okay, if I go out with you, will you stop this?" I asked, crossing my arms and pushing a piece of my hair behind my ear.

"Well, then we'd be going out, so this would seem kind of pointless." He was nodding along with himself, the way he did when we thought he was being smart.

"Chandler, can't you just accept it? We're friends. I don't wanna ruin that." Exasperated, I made my way over to the counter and began dicing just to give myself something to do.

He jumped back, pointing at me triumphantly in the overly exaggerated way all the guys in our group did. "No no no no no no no no no!" he let out, as if it were all one word. "You-you said you would, so technically, _technically_, you can't take that back."

I saw where this was going. "If you do the dance, I can."

He rubbed his nose, looking around as if I'd had the complete wrong impression. "Besides, uh, friends can survive break ups."

I stopped dicing to stare him down. "Really? Name one."

"Uh, Ross and Rachel," he said, as if it was obvious.

I stared into the distance as I thought this over. "Oh yeah," I gasped. "You know what, when is that screaming and yelling gonna start? 'Cause that's always the highlight of my relationships."

He clapped his hands together. "Okay, so we both _suck_ at relationships…" He hesitated.

"Go on," I prompted.

"Oh, no, that was it."

I rolled my eyes and grunted in annoyance as I proceeded to chop. I only looked up when I noticed Chandler, slowly edging closer to me. I put down the knife and waited for what qualified as a joke with him.

"So, you wanna go upstairs and _mixitup_?" He grinned that broad smile of his, but I gave him a look that told him not to get any closer. "Huh," he said, thinking things over. "I finally get a girlfriend, and she doesn't want to sleep with me. Yep, sounds about right."

He shrugged in my direction and retreated upstairs. I couldn't help but smile.

**CHANDLER'S POV**

I wasn't sure what had just passed between me and Monica. On one hand, she'd said yes. On the other, I didn't know just how sincere that exchange had been. I'd decided on the stairs to keep quiet about it for now.

I opened the door to Joey's room. "Hey, J-ah, ah, ahh!" I jumped back, shielding my eyes.

"What? _You_ wouldn't play me!"

Frustrated, I threw myself in and closed the door. "Joe…" I tried slowly. "Are you playing strip poker with yourself?"

"No! What do you take me for, a…" He paused, trying—failing—to think of something smart to say. "Someone who plays strip poker with himself?" He scoffed, and I gave him a disbelieving look which he didn't see. "It's strip Happy Days. We don't have the cards." He waved his sandwich at me.

"I thought you _made_ cards?"

"Ah, they didn't work out…" He shook his head, and I was reminded of every time I'd woken up to find a different girl in our apartment when he was supposed to be dating someone else.

"Joe… What happened to the cards?" I was being as gentle as I could, treating him like a small child because, really, that's what he was.

He waited a moment before replying, and then I knew why. "Well, you know my hole?"

I hurried to stop him. "There it is," I exclaimed, groping for any chance I could to change the subject. Only one thing came to mind. "So Monica said yes," I reported, as if I was talking about the weather. As if I would talk about the weather.

His eyes bulged out of his head as he jumped up. I averted my eyes and cried "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" as he went to hug me.

"What?" he asked, but a moment later he looked down and smiled, hands on hips. "Oh. Sorry."

I scoffed.

"So how'd you get her to agree to it?" He crossed his arms and hunched over, what he did when he wanted details on something which excited him.

"Well, you know…" I tried to shrug it off, suddenly uncomfortable with the situation. "Bug 'em enough and they'll go anything just to be left alone, you know?"

I grinned, but he looked contemplative. "No, no… I usually only have to bug 'em the one time, know what I mean?"

Of course I did. "No, I'm gonna need a minute with that one," I told him, and he nodded, sitting down and waiting for me to get there.

**Thanks people! It's not as long as I usually write, but in true ****_Friends_**** spirit, I didn't want the scenes to be too long. I'm probably gonna keep to this format and do 2 short parts in each chapter.**

**Don't forget to review! Pleeeaase? I'll love you forever?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, so I wrote this at the same time as chapter 1 but I was really worried about characters being OOC. I'm really obsessive about that. But please review? They make me feel good!**

**MONICA'S POV**

"And then what happened?" Rachel pushed. She was taking a break from her Ross guided adventures to listen to me, but I found myself wishing she wasn't.

"Well, I… I said yes," I revealed quickly, still needing to hear it myself. Had I really? This was _Chandler_. _Chandler_. My friend, Chandler. I wasn't attracted to him in the slightest… Was I?

"Oh my God!" With a sudden burst of energy, she jumped up from her seat, her hands lingering on her mouth. "This is so exciting. Monica and Chandler are going t—" She seemed to realise what she was saying, and she stopped in her tracks. "Wait a minute. _Waaaiiit_ a minute. Monica, it's _Chandler_. Seriously?"

"Okay, Rach, you know I hate it when your voice goes all high and squeaky like that. And, you know, it technically wasn't actually a yes. _Technically_, it was a I'll-go-out-with-you-if-you-get-out-of-my-face-and-stop-bothering-me kind of yes. It's not like anything's going to happen."

Rachel looked disappointed. "Oh." She fell back into her chair, and I had just opened my mouth to change the subject when she jumped back up. "But what if it does?!"

She dashed to the opposite side of the counter from me and clung to its surface. It was like we were in high school again, only I was popular one with the date, and she was the nerdy one asking for details, all the while obsessing over some guy. In this case, my brother.

"What if you fall in love, and get married, and have kids, and… Oh, can I be your maid of honour? Pleeeaaase? You've know me longer, you know? Phoebe, she's just a stranger. Phoebe who? Right? Oh! And godmother! I have to be godmother! Don't you _dare_ make Phoebe godmother, she will ruin those kids! She will make them eat nothing but green stuff and teach them to sing about cats that smell!"

"Rachel, shh, shh… It's okay… Nothing's gonna happen. No wedding, no kids. You're a bit ahead of both of us." I pushed my hair behind my ear and fetched a bottle of water from the fridge.

"No, but what are we gonna do? You two are gonna get new, married friends and I'm gonna be stuck here, still dating guys called Carl who stick their shirts into their zippers."

"Well, at least yours have normal names," I said absentmindedly.

"Yeah…" she murmured in the same tone that I was using. "What is it, anyway? Because it's definitely not in the big book of names, and they have all sorts of weird crap in there."

I shrugged, barely even listening. Just then, Phoebe came in and saved me. "Hey! What's going on?"

Rachel took her chance—"Oh! Monica"—and I stopped her.

"Stubbed her toe," I intercut. The last thing I needed was Rachel spreading the news like wildfire. "Yep, I… stubbed my toe… Ow." It was the worst lie I'd ever told, and although she eyed us suspiciously, she didn't push the subject. For that, I was grateful.

**CHANDLER'S POV**

"So when are you gonna tell Ross?"

Oh, crap. I forgot about him. "Oh, wow. He's really gonna hate me. There's gotta be a rule about this, right?"

"Hey, there _is_ a rule about this. Don't fool around with your friends' sisters." As he recited it, he repeatedly hit his palm with his fist. "I thought you learnt that with my sister." He raised his eyebrows at me, a silent challenge, and I knew he still wasn't quite over that.

"Oh, God… Oh God, oh God, oh God… Okay. So what do I do?" This was the first time I'd ever willingly turned to Joey for advice, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know what he had to say.

He thought it over for a moment. "Oh!" He clicked his fingers and pointed at me in triumph. "Just tell him."

I pushed my tongue against the inside of my cheek. "You _just_ thought of that?!" I exclaimed, but he looked proud of himself. I decided to let him have this one. "Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, okay, okay…" He nodded along with me. "Okay."

"Chandler!"

"Okay." He rolled his eyes, pushing me along. "I'm just gonna tell him."

"Haha! See? Now where would you be without me, huh?" He was absolutely genuine.

Before I left, I gave him one last look and, chewing my lip, said, "Well, Joe, that's an excellent question."


End file.
